1) CALLING ANYTHING ON HIS BODY “CUTE”.
A man takes pride in being manly. Imagine seeing him naked and saying, “that’s cute”. Babies are cute and we men tend to refer to babies with cute.
2) LICKING IN OUR EAR HOLE.
The first thought is ear infection and wet ear hole. Stick to sucking on the lobes and under the ear or even the outside of the ear but never the ear hole.
3) NOT SHAVING.
No man wants to forage a forest. Hair carries odor so keep the bushes trimmed. Think of the vagina as a plate of food. The more appetizing the plate the more he will want to clean it with his tongue. Even those that don’t mind will hesitate unless they have a hair fetish.
4) PINCHING NIPPLES.
You can lick, suck, massage but only freaky men like pinching and twisting the nipples. You can spot them from a mile away because they have nipple clips and clamps in their possession.
5) HIT UP THE ZONES.
Women tend to only hit the chest and penis. Try other zones, abs, neck, lower back, inner thigh, hell explore until you find what makes him go DAMN, THAT FEELS GOOD.
6) “TRUST ME”
Only two types of men (fools and freaks) will let you do things to them without knowing what you are going to do ahead of time, especially if he has only known you for a few hours or less than a month. Telling him to roll over, blindfolding him, cuffing him to the bed – followed by “trust me” sends up a red flag to most men. You have to earn that trust first and trust me you won’t have to say it. Trust like that takes time.
7) TRY TO TURN HIM OUT.
Most women will try to or will actually turn a man out for control reasons or the fun of breaking a man down. Remember, stalkers exist and can be created. Keep that in mind before you put the goodies on him at that level. Don’t have him hiding in the bushes for a peek at the “precious”.
8) ORAL SEX, SHAVING AND BITING DON’T GO WELL TOGETHER.
Practice on a banana or ice pop. If you see teeth marks on the skin of the fruit then you are not ready to put your mouth on a man’s “banana”. The tip is one huge clit and shaving it with your teeth will kill the mood and he would rather you not do it. But another woman may do it for him so keep that in mind. You are not in the clear.
9) BUY A FEMALE CONDOM INSTEAD
……… Like breasts, penises come in many sizes. Lifestyles don’t fit all men just like Trojan’s large and XL don’t. Stocking your house with different sizes of condoms will also send the wrong message. You will get tagged as a loose woman. So buy the female condom or stop by an all night store and he can get his own box if doesn’t already have his own supply.
10) STAYING ON THE TIP.
Massaging the tip too much will send a burning feeling to the crotch of a man and it is not pleasant. Refer the sensation down to the shaft too. If you are giving a hand job he will reach down to take your hand off.
11) TOE POPPIN
Women tend to think that toe popping and curling is a good thing. No, that’s the sign of a man trying to hold on and brace his ejaculation moment. If you hear or see his toes poppin or curling then you may want to slow down or better yet stop and let him get his thoughts together. Or else the act will end shortly.
12) MEN, CLOTHES, AND SEX
Men like to be unwrapped like a kid on a Christmas present. We heat up quickly especially when we get hard. Allow the man to get naked and he will take his time undressing you. At least let him get to his underwear so you can unwrap the penis if you won’t allow him to get completely naked. You want him to be comfortable and we are most comfortable naked and some of us with socks on.
Foreplay is for the woman, period. We do it to get your juices flowing or to give us time if we are having a time getting up (usually a medical or psychological condition). So forgive us if we seem too eager to hump. It’s up to women to communicate it to us men.
14) QUICKIE, PHUCK, OR MAKING LOVE.
Women need to understand the intentions of men when it comes to sex. Don’t mix signals and make sure he doesn’t switch up on you. “Baby let me get a tip drill or let’s do something (company could be in another room)” = QUICKIE.
He comes up behind you like an animal bending you over the counter and kissing passionately. His actions seem animalistic but he can’t help it. = PHUCK
He brings you flowers, wines you and sweet talks you.You take a bubble bath together and sticking his penis in your vagina is the last thing he is trying to do. It’s all about pleasing the woman. = MAKING LOVE
Men are not mind readers so we can’t please you unless you tell us how. A woman who is vocal gets off. Most men don’t want a woman saying they are not being pleased. If you can’t do it with our penises we will attempt with our mouths.
16) GUSHERS OR CUMMING
If you are sitting on our faces or our mouths are on your precious and you are about to gush or cum, let us know. The last thing we want to do is drown from the extra liquid.
17) TOSSING SALADS.
Freaky men love this. Normal men have to ease into it. Again you don’t want to turn a man out.
18) INSERTION OF THE FINGER
You want to get your ass whooped, shove your finger in a man’s ass without him knowing what’s happening. To get to the male clit you have to pass the nerve filled anus. A tight ass is equivalent to a dry cooch. He has to relax in order for you to insert anything. That requires communication.
19) SPREAD FOR HIM.
If it gets good for you and you want to lock your legs around his head while he is eating you out. Remember he has to breathe. We prefer to have full view of the vagina not the up close about to kill me view.
20) CLEAN COOCHES GET MAJOR PLAY.
A man will not touch a stinky cooch with a ten foot pole. If you not sure of how you smell then take the show to the shower. Taking a shower together preps you for a night of passion. Something about the water, hugging, skin to skin, embracing, just does something to people.
21) MOVING AROUND DURING CUNNILINGUS.
Let us do the driving on your roadmap. Don’t worry we are watching you and listening for those wimpers.
22) SPITTING LUBE
Leave the spitting to pornstars who give head. Get some flavored lube, condom, or something. Spitting wadds on a man's penis can be a turn-off.
23) FOOD AND GOODIES
A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach so mix sex with food and you have a fun evening ahead of you. Just get some plastic sheets.
24) WE LIKE MASSAGES TOO
Sex seems to always be about the woman and pleasing her. Make some moments for us too. We like massages and placing our head in your lap. It sets the mood for having sex.
25) TAKING PICTURES
The better we look the more we don’t care. Headless shots will be taken more quickly than full body with face.
The more of an exhibitionist you are the better the sex. There is nothing more liberating than a woman who is adventurous in bed. Exhibitionists are quick to try new things in new locations. They don’t care who sees. They are in the mode and mood. Sex on the kitchen table and then skinny dip in the pool, sure?
27) FARTING COOCH.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest. It can either be funny or a turn off.
28) YOGA AND PILATES.
You want brownie points in sex be flexible. Yoga and pilates can help you with this. A woman who can do a split can have anything she wants from a man.
29) ROUGH SEX.
If you want it rough then commit to it. Don’t start and then back off. He’s been a bad boy so smack that ass. Pull out the toys and excite him.
30) DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN BED.
Don’t talk the game and don’t deliver. Mean what you say and don’t give us false hope. If you aren’t Supahead then don’t brag on your skills. Men talk too.
31) TALKING DIRTY.
Don't know how to talk dirty then watch porn to learn. Nuff said.
Using men for sex can be a great thing but do it with the right guy. If a guy cares about you and you get up in the middle of the night to leave. It will make him feel cheap. Put yourself in his shoes.
33) ONE NIGHT STAND.
If you had a one night stand, do yourself a favor and leave before he puts you out. Trust, you’ll save yourself the heartache. Better to do it to him than for him to have to do it to you. Men will leave if it was at your home.
34) GIVING GIFTS AFTER SEX.
Giggolo, whore, man slut. These are the names that come to mind after you give a man a gift. If it’s his birthday, give the gifts before sex. Rule doesn’t apply if in a serious relationship.
35) THANK HIM WITH COMPLIMENTS.
You want a man to hold you, tell him that was awesome and collapse in his arms. Only a cold blooded a-hole will not want to hold you after that. Don’t want to cuddle then put on your clothes and leave because you have a plastic toy to run home to.
36) BREAKING OUT THE TOYS.
Some will display them. Some are in a box. Some are in a drawer. Some are hidden in socks. Whatever the case, don’t break out toys unless the man is comfortable with the idea.
37) DON’T HAVE SEX WITH US WHEN WE ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL.
You usually don’t get what you want and you might get more than you bargained for. Let a man sober up first if he is too drunk. He will have a headache but he will still have sex.
38) AUNT FLO.
If your “Aunt” is close to visiting then let a guy know. You don’t want to freak him out if he is fingering you and sees blood on his finger.
If a man has to take this then be patient. Some women are turned off by him having to use a pill to get excited. Patience will get you a boner for hours and you can get off if you do it right.
40) NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU ARE GETTING INTO.
Before you have sex know what you are getting into. Women are just as bad as men though they don’t admit it. If you want to get your rocks off then stick to that. If you want a relationship then leave the sex to your toy and save yourself the drama.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Some updates and links:
LCCT Road Map
Something I got from Dilbert newsletter:
LCCT Road Map
Something I got from Dilbert newsletter:
My parents told me that every time I ask Santa for a gift, an angel will lose its wings. That seems like a fair arrangement to me, but is there any risk the wingless angel would fall on my head and kill me?
Wingless angels generally burn up on reentry. It’s nothing that a little shampoo can’t cure.